Random Rant #175

Did you ever have an experience that, once you got through it, you asked yourself, “Did that really just happen?”

I had one of those this past weekend that I thought I would share.

So, I went to one of the many, many, many locations of a coffee shop let’s call “Schmarbucks.” The young lady behind the counter who struggled to get out, “May I help you?” was obviously new at her job. I had a son who cut his working teeth at a couple of “Schmarbucks” in his youth, so I get it. We all start somewhere.

When I responded with my order, I said, “I’d like a Grande Oat Milk Latte, please.” A fairly simple order and my go-to choice. She was a meek, shy, timid, slightly bashful, not-really-outgoing person and to make matters worse, she was wearing a face mask. She replied to me, in a soft, hushed tone, “salhwlhwwhefaoh29u9q1qakdenal.” I asked, “What?” and she whispered slightly louder, “salhwlhwwhefaoh29u9q1qakdenal.” After an awkward pause, I finally had to admit I just didn’t understand her and she raised her voice to a loud, hushed whisper, “We’re out of oat milk.”

Oh. So, I instructed her to just make it soy milk. She worked the register for a second and then, another volley of attempted sound came my way: “klj2348y92-ijn buidsxyg0ejnkjewadqg7yaqy9pj??????” Rather than have her think I was a deaf geezer or to keep this conversation going any longer than necessary, I rolled the dice and shot out a “Yes”, hoping it would work in my favor. I paid for the beverage, and then stepped aside to await my drink.

Moments later, I found out what she had said, thanks for an audible Schmarkbucks employee: “Triple Shot Oatmilk Latte for Tim!”


So, now, as I walked away and began caffeinating my brain, I started thinking–wait a minute! This Schmarbucks was located inside a QFC grocery store, where they have an entire refrigerator section dedicated to Oat Milk. Couldn’t one of you just run over to the dairy section and grab a jug? It’s not like there’s a shortage. I almost asked, “If I go over and buy some, then can I have oat milk?”

But I was afraid to do that out of concern what the new girl with the mask might say about me. Especially since I’d probably not be able to both hear it and understand it.

Man, coffee drinking can be stressful.

Tim Hunter

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