The Conspiracy Continues

Right now, there are so many half-baked concepts being passed around like they’re God’s truth, it can be overwhelming.

Of course, you’ve heard the one where the COVID vaccine contains microchips so that Bill Gates can control our thoughts? Apple is said to be working on one of their own that is easier to use.

And then there are those rocket scientists insisting that horse de-wormer will prevent COVID. Most of those people were rushed to emergency rooms, but the good news–not a single worm among ’em.

But it’s time for me to rip the cover off of a longtime secret organization that has terrorized me every single year during the Husky football season. This dastardly group is so evil, they don’t even have a name, but I’m outing them now for all for everyone to know about.

I’ll begin by figuring out a name to call them. Since apparently their goal is to prevent me from being able to relax and enjoy watching a U.W. football game, I’m going to assign them the handle, the “Talidawg.”

The Talidawg (or T.D. for short) uses everything in their power to make it almost impossible for me to watch Husky games. My best guess is that sometime in July or August, they begin plotting out all the variables that help them keep me from watching games.

They have more tools than ever to accomplish their vile objective. There was a time that all fall football games were a 12:30 kickoff and that was that. Then came along the Pac-12 channel and TV determined how to stack the games on television to fill a broadcast day. That meant that some days, the games could start as early as 11am, or as late as 8pm, all based on my weekend social calendar. And, of course, they wouldn’t announce when the games would take place until two weeks away, after we have made social plans.

Get invited to a birthday party in the evening? Definitely a night game that weekend. Going out of town for the Labor Day Weekend? Let’s make that a late afternoon game, since we don’t have WiFi up at the cabin. (Ha–I cheated the bastards last weekend by streaming it on my phone, although, in this case, it would have been OK if they had blocked it)

During full-blown COVID last year, it would have been easy to catch all the games because we were trapped at home. The problem there was that the team caught COVID and only played 4 actual games before being contagiously removed from the Pac-12 Championship game.

This coming weekend, I out-foxed them. We are actually going to Michigan to see the game in person. Sure, after last weekend’s debacle, I’m having second thoughts. But life is all about the adventure, right? It’s also nice of me to give the Talidawg the weekend off so they can come up with more ways to block me out of the rest of the season.

One thing about me, as a die-hard University of Washington Husky fan, I’m in it for the long haul. I was a season ticket holder (although, it was the last season I did that) the year the team went 0-12. Talk about being a glutton for punishment (not to be confused with a gluten). I’m pretty sure that year was the one the Talidawgs consider their greatest achievement.

Do you know how awful that season really was? It was so bad, the official school poster for the season (which I have around here somewhere) didn’t even have all 12 games listed. They forgot the last one against Cal.

Damn you, Talidawg!!!

Which, by the way, I also have a theory that the Talildawg is made up of a consortium of Ducks and Cougars that are quietly working together, so as not to attract attention.

I win this weekend. The team may not, but I will. However, I’ll be ready to continue the good fight when I return, as their little conspiracy continues to torment me.

Go Dawgs!

Tim Hunter

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