I should warn you. If you like surprises and don’t want to know about the major events of the coming year, please stop reading this right now.
OK, obviously, you’ve decided to continue and so get ready to hear my sure-bet predictions. Here are all the exciting things to come in the year of our Lord, 2020, as foretold by the Great Timbino:
First off, I’m going to work on coming up with a better name for a psychic version of myself other than Timbino. I suppose that’s a given.
In an effort to increase viewership for the next round of Democratic debates, the event will include a swimsuit competition.
Microsoft will develop obscene form letters that you can send to people you don’t like, called “F-mail”
By mid-February, early March at the latest, I’ll have all my Christmas cards mailed out.
The Seattle Mariners will try something new, offering a mid-June Escape Clause for their season ticket holders.
A confused Ozzie Osbourne announces that he’s completely lost his hearing in his left eye.
Bruce Willis agrees to do one more Die Hard movie. This one is called “Die Hard Like My Arteries.”
Larry King will divorce & remarry, maybe not in that order. That’s one of my go-to safe predictions.
With the decline in men committing to become priests, the Catholic Church will begin to use Robot Priests for the more remote parishes. The experiment is going well until one Robot Priest is accused to molesting several toasters and a vacuum.
At the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas this week, the ultimate in modern laziness will be revealed with the flying remote control, so that you’ll never have to get up ever again.
Former Vice-President Joe Biden wins the Democratic nomination for president and surprises everyone by choosing Georgia Senator Thomas Thyme as his running mate. Yes, all the hopes of the Democratic Party are put in the Biden/Thyme ticket. It was the lesser of the two evils, after Elizabeth Warren said she was considering Rebecca Peace of Alaska as her running mate.
And it completely avoided the impending disaster of Pete Buttigieg and Judge Judy, which would have resulted in the Buttigieg/Judge Judy ticket.
OK, the rest of the year is up to chance, but those are the sure-ins. Have a great 2020 and I’ll pontificate with you again next week!
Happy New Year!